Film at 11

Good day, fellow "space" cadets.
 
Some people are born famous, some have fame thrust upon them, and some just live next door to white trash with unruly pets. Apparently, I’m in that third tier.
 
As reported by WATE 6, the pit bull/mastiff mix owned by my neighbors got loose yesterday and attacked a little boy and his black lab yesterday. Classic. Thankfully, the victims got away with only minor scrapes.
 
I just recently moved to the neighborhood, but from day one, this dog didn’t seem quite right to me. If you’ve never seen a bull mastiff, they’re quite large. I believe this one is named Zeus. Yeah, like that lightning-wielding guy who used to rain down destruction on mortals for sport. You seldom hear phrases like "Zeus is so cuddly," "Aww, Zeus has the baby’s head in his mouth," or "Zeus, stop humping my leg."
 
Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely pro-dog, and I haven’t jumped on the bandwagon that says he’s evil just because of his breed. I certainly don’t advocate putting the dog down or anything like that. What concerns me is a pattern of behavior.
 
To my point. I was almost thrust into the spotlight when another neighbor came knocking on my door with a flyer that encouraged me to call Animal Control and express my concern about this violent animal. I recounted to her that a few evenings prior, I was out walking Milo (that’s my Jack Russell terrier, for those who aren’t familiar) and said beast was unexpectedly released when his owner opened the garage door. Zeus made a bee-line for us, and of course, clashed with Milo. They scraped briefly and Zeus bolted down the street (he must have smelled a meatier jugular in the next cul du sac). Anyhow, my neighbor said the story would be featured on the 11 o’clock news, so I told her I’d make a point to watch.
 
She returned a few minutes later and asked whether I’d be interested in appearing on the news as well. I’m in between film projects right now and thought the publicity would be good, so I agreed, and provided my tale to the roving reporter. I didn’t have time to get into my full "local news" interviewee costume (Dale Earnhardt™ pajama pants, wife-beater, a warm can of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and one flip-flop), but I did my best to represent my community nonetheless.
 
I stayed up to watch the late news, hoping to catch a glimpse of yours truly, but my cameo was edited out (there was a nice shot of my front door and my hand holding the flyer). Ironically, my face made it on the morning news, but I overslept as a result of the aforementioned late night, and missed it. Oh well, fame is overrated.
 
– Greg
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